Christmas - NOT A FAN

Christmas is an investment..seriously. An investment that is torn down the day after Christmas. The gifts we wrap so beautifully...are torn to shreds within seconds. Everything is so drawn out, that I want to slap someone everytime I hear Christmas Music. OMG, I can't stand Christmas music. And there is a certain horrible song that will make me punch a baby if I hear it...something about forgetting cranberry sauce, some stupid shit like that. Who gives a krap if you forgot cranberry sauce? I don't, stop freaking singing about it and get your ass to Krauzer's!!!

But I fall for it..every single year I'm at the Bitch's mercy, whipping out my BOA card buying love from my family. Will the gift this year prevent my mom from asking me how I spend my finances?

Not a snowball's chance in hell my friend.

I do love to see my children get excited for the Holidays. But man, why do we put our chldren on some stranger's lap? Especially when we tell them to NOT talk to strangers? I remember as a five year old, how life sized characters at theme parks would scare the SHIT out of me. So here I am, freaking my kids out for the sake of the Holiday. My son is two, he is TERRIFIED of Santa. But here I am trying to pry him from my arms to get that freaking precious photo.

There is not enough wine in the world for hanging with my family during the holidays. Maybe I build it up in my head, that things aren't THAT stressful. Oh but they are!!! They mean well, they really are good people. But in the first 15 minutes that I arrive with my immediate family in tow, I am told I put on weight, that my kids are not friendly...AND I make a beeline for the Moscato.

But I do wonder, when my family and friends encourage me to drink at functions...am I that good at being drunk? Or am I that BAD? Oh, and why must we document my tipsy moments? Sure, I like to sing bad songs on a guitar that I have no business playing (Smelly Cat Style), but please don't document for prosperity.

Sincerely Your Ho Ho Ho,
G

The things a parent can't think about....it's here

Every morning, it is an adventure to get my daughter ready for Kindergarten. She is strong willed, and very smart. Just like her daddy, she will always be one up with the mind games.

I convince her every day school is an "Awesome Place to Go!" and that if she wants to be a grown-up like Mommy and Daddy, she has to learn her sight words and numbers. I lead her to believe that this place I drop her off every day at, agaist her will.... is safe, a happy refuge for her.

Then Friday, December 14th happened. Every parent's worst nightmare, the one you don't let your brain even consider. Where do we go from here?

I used to watch tv shows and movies before kids without the "parent reflex". You know, the one where your eyes start to water, and you want to wake your kids and hug them. Before kids, I viewed entertainment where children were hurt or they died, without flinching. Now, it's pure torutue.

My husband jokes that I ruined him by having kids. Meaning, his once tough exterior is now cracked, open, and vulnerable...like a wound. It's true, as parents our souls are exposed, our children have run away with our hearts. Every day, that feeling of your stomach doing a flip-flop is guarunteed. Whether it happens when my son tries to knock over the Christmas Tree, or my daughter makes a trip to the ER for a blood blister on her toe.

But of couse, we wouldn't trade our kids for anything. Watching my son and daughter interact and create memories is the greatest gift my husband and I could give each other...and I pray that is where the parents in Newtown find solace. One victim's dad made a speech, and mentioned that he was "honored" to have been his daughter's daddy. How beautifully phrased....we always think our children are lucky, but maybe it is us that are lucky to have them in our lives.

My daughter stole my husband's heart from the moment she left my body to start her adventure as our baby. They locked eyes, and have been inseperable ever since....I am honored to be a part of creating that for my family. Giving ourselves the gift of each other.

Okay enough with touchy-feely portion of my post! Off to consume mass amounts of chocolate, and eat my feelings!

Hug your babies!!!!
G

The First Post!!!

I used to write in my journal as a teenager, when the world was going to end, which in my teenage opinion  was every day. I was dramatic and moody, and thought that my written words would one day change lives like "The Diary of Ann Frank".

 Yeah, Riiiight.....

Reading those entries in my journal today are quite comical. Through the eyes of a 36 year old woman, that doesn't have enough time to apply makeup in the morning, or care that her two year old has shoved all the dvd's down the basement stairs....the entries from my 17 year old self are hysterical.

I wish I could go back in time and slap my old self in the face. Scratch that...beat the living crap out her is more like it. My ramblings bordered on unrequieted love in the most saddest and pathetic of scenarios. My heart now goes to my poor x-boyfriends that were stalked and driven to madness by my sad messages left on their answering machines, with Sarah Maclaughin playing in the background.

But still, I am under the illusion that my words are funny and life changing, so here begins...

THE BLOG.