"The Spirited One"

My sisters and I went out for drinks to celebrate my sister's 50th birthday. It is a lot of fun meeting up with my sisters's friends from the neighborhood. They are a little older then me, so I love hearing about stories when my sisters were teenagers. One thing that stood out, was more than once a few of their friends mentioned that my parents were known as being "strict". My mother ruled with an iron fist. I joke with her to this day that I'm more afraid of her, than of God himself. But for most of my life, and my sisters' lives, my mother was a single mom. She embodied all of those trials and tribulations of a single mom, long before it was respected. In fact, it was viewed as shameful.
I was born 9 years after my third sister, and it was a new time for my family. My mom thought she had found a great husband, my father, and we had a cute home in a nice neighborhood. But my mother still believed in raising us old-school. There are times where I am proud of my mother being strict. I was always told that I was very respectful, and had great manners. And like a lot of comedians, I do relish in telling a good ass-whooping story involving my mom...whooping my ass! But like every rock in a garden, there is a dirty side. I truly lived in fear. My life revolved around her moods. I learned to look for clues, to anticipate her actions, because there was always a domino effect. My best friend across the street would leave her side door unlocked, in case I needed a place to hide out when my mother was losing her shit. Some days I definately earned her wrath, but others, I would be humiliated for trivial things like making her trip over something, or making her drop something. That was the classic "Look at what you made me do?". I remember wondering, how the hell did I make you trip when I was in the other room? So I decided my strategy was to become the clown, make jokes, keep things light. My world became making my mother happy. Especially when my father drove off into the sunset in our brand new car. I do have to admit, it must have been hard being my mom sometimes. I was, and still am, perpetually forgetful, and easily flustered. I left my lunch box at school at least once a week. Every picture day, I would remember that morning that it was picture day, sending my mom into a panic to pick out the "perfect outfit". And when I was 15 months old, I took a leisurely stroll around the block with just a diaper on....and then there were the two head traumas from when I was a child..more on that another time. My dream when I decided to have kids was to have them grow up strong, brave, but respectful. As a child, fear definately ruled my life.

The spirited one on the right is Madison

My daughter, Madison, was 7 weeks early....bear with me here....I remember being in my room at the hospital, and hearing this angry squeaking coming from a newborn in the nursery. I asked the nurse, "Oh my god, who's baby is that...the baby sounds so angry!" And she looked at me and said, "That's your baby!" She went on to tell me that every time they opened up the incubator, my daughter would try to scoot over to the other side so they couldn't touch her. Aside from some tubes and a lot of monitoring, she was born on a Tuesday, and went home that Saturday. That sums up Madison Patricia. Ever since then, everything is done in her time and in her own way. She is an emotional creature, like her mama, but through tears she will grit her teeth and defy you. It took a while for me to bond with her, I had suffered from Post Partum Depression. But once I did, I made it my mission to protect her emotional well-being. And perhaps I have stunted her emotional growth. Do we work with her already set hard wiring? Or do my husband and I look to override the system, and short circuit the wiring? Meaning, do we work with her strong spirit, or do we crush it? But I do want to assert this much, she is an amazing girl and I'm proud she is my daughter. She is wicked smart, active, creative, and stunningly beautiful. If anything, I am in awe of her bravery and her "won't back down" attitude. I just wish it wasn't directed at me.....lol.